Requirements for Detachment
Only One, Attachment First
It is commonly stated, “I am feeling detached from people, places, or things”. Really, is it detachment? How can a person detach from something they never were attached to. Instead, that “state of detachment” is really a “chase to attach”.
Attachment is a primal need. By primal, I mean, it is a need for survival. Children who lack attachment to a severe degree, tend to experience “failure to thrive”. This many times can result in death. Without attachment to people, we are not able to get life sustaining needs met. We are social beings by nature. Attachment, belonging, and living within some sense of community are essential to life. This is how we cultivate food, raise young, stay sheltered, etc. From all the “ology” subjects, this applies. Attachment to places and things do not have the same level of importance, yet they usually represent some form of “attachment” to a person.
Children who experience rejection from a parent, usually, are never able to get that “attachment” established later in life. They do not “detach”, but instead, perpetually chase some kind of attachment in life. This may take the form of a toxic relationships, addiction, or self-obsession. The impulse or compulsion to chase an attachment is strong and will always be there. Even with a lot of work, the urge sits there, just below the surface, waiting to pop out at the right moment to grab the “attachment”. In all honesty, we see this in nature all the time. That is exactly how some insects survive. They hang around, limbs or tall grass, waiting for the host to walk by so they can attach. We are “nature” too.
If someone is actually able to detach from someone or something, this is a healthy thing. This means the person is able to attach in the first place. Detaching is necessary sometimes. We need to know when to walk away from things that are no longer healthy for us. This is good self-care! The constant chase to attach to someone or something that is not willing to attach to us, is not healthy. That is reliving the trauma!
It is important to know where we are with this in our lives. We can’t really know the best way to processed with relationships if we do not know where, when, how, or why we are attached, detached, or chasing. Therapy or self-reflection on this is well worth the time and effort! This may even open some doors for you to welcome new things into your life!!! Healthy attachment!!
No AI was used in this writing or any of my other writing. All wisdoms and biases are mine.